I hate sin. I hate my enemy. I know he's real and that he hates me and my kids and my church and my friends and the fact that I'm in love with Jesus and seek to make Jesus known.
But the secret thing I hate that I don't like to talk about much is disappointment. I can't stand disappointing people..it kills me. And you know how this fleshes out? I can't say 'no'. I just can't. I hate it so much, but I'm so terrified of disappointing people that I just say yes to anything anyone needs ever. If a kid wants to grab food or someone from church wants me to join a committee (another discussion for another time..) or you asked me to read a book and give you my thoughts - I'd say yes.
But I've been bombarded lately with wise counsel telling me to stop doing this. I'm still going to passionately seek lost people and challenge Christ-followers to know Him more, but I'm going to start saying no more. And I'll be bummed that I disappointed someone, but I'm going to do it anyway.
(Please don't respond and tell me that I haven't disappointed you - it's not true anyway - because while I appreciate the encouragement, I just needed to vent that off).
Have you read 2 Corinthians 5:17 lately? Do it again.
Much love
Wayne
James 1:22
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
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2 comments:
Ahhh… disappointment. Here’s what will likely be a harsh in your face response. (One of the reasons it’s tough to be my friend – you’ve been warned. Confessions on the World Wide Web are fair game.).
Here’s what I’ve learned on the topic of disappointment:
1. 60% of all people who get disappointed CHOOSE to be disappointed, there is nothing you can do about it, they allow that in their lives b/c of their own issues that have nothing to do with you – so get over it, you will never win (but see the opportunity for ministry in that)
B. 30% of people set a standard for you and never COMMUNICATE what it is, so again, you lose, nothing you can do. It’s on them unless you find a way to set your own bar for them.
&. 10% is the small window you can control. By saying YES, you cause an expectation to be set and therefore set yourself up to disappoint... often, “yes” initially seems to be the preemptive cure for disappointment but in the long run it’s the cause of it (and even prolongs it). It is like treating a symptom instead of the illness. By saying NO more often you set a real expectation and allow a space to open a different conversation to see how you can REALLY meet the need.
So guess what… have you disappointed me? – Indeed - when I watch you say “yes” and I know that you know you shouldn’t and sometimes really don’t want to – breaks my heart for you. The challenge in sharing that in those moments is that b/c I know (with my superhero style intuition) that you struggle with it already – in the wrong hands, it could be used against you – like kryptonite. I’d rather help than manipulate like I am sure some have attempted. Also, don’t forget, if you say “yes” all the time, you could be robbing someone else of that same opportunity.
Now that it’s out there – we’ll call it accountability.
Enjoy wrestling with all that (or not)… I know it’s a tough one.
Kick me back inside my boundaries if I’m off base.
I care.
Skadoosh.
I definitely agree that some folks are going to be un-pleasable (now, officially, a real word. I said so) AND I still need to say no more often. I just yes to any and everything for fear of disappointment, mostly for no good reason!
Still though, well said and encouraging!
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